When most professionals talk about "the inner critic," the advice focuses on silencing it or getting rid of it. As a success coach, I've taught hundreds how to do this. However, for some, this can be counterproductive. How/why? It's like telling someone not to think about pink elephants. When that happens, what do they do? Well, they tend to think of pink elephants incessantly, no?
So, following are three things you can do to embrace your inner critic and learn how to be more confident because of it. It's just a different way of solving the same lack of self-confidence problem.
1. What's It Really Saying to You: On the Oprah show once - either she or one of her expert guests said - all emotions are based on two things; love and fear. For example, low self-esteem is really just a "fear" that you're not good enough.
So the next time your inner critic says something like, "You'll never get that promotion because you're not as qualified as Jane," don't internalize it that way. Stop and examine the underlying emotion. In this case, it's really just a fear that you're not qualified for the position at hand. This fear can be real or imagined, which brings us to the next step.
2. Is the Message Justified: Ask yourself, "Is what the inner critic telling me based on fear, or reality?" You see, many of us repeat negative messages to ourselves out of sheer habit. We never stop to examine if the message is really justified.
One of the first lessons in learning how to be more confident is having the "cojones", if you will, to question the situation at hand. If you suffer from low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, this may seem strange - indeed, scary -- at first. With practice, it can become second nature.
But, back to the question of is the message justified. Approach your answer in a purely analytical way, using facts, not feelings - which brings us to the final step.
3. Make a List: Put pen to paper so you can see in black and white what the facts are.
Using the example above about the promotion, once you start to list your accomplishments, you may realize, "I served on two committees in the last 12 months; my team met and exceeded its sales quota by 12%; and I've already been cross-trained on the new data system the company will be rolling out next quarter."
Learning how to become more confident requires mental training; just as you would for any physical goal (eg, running a marathon). And, the training starts with allowing yourself to embrace your inner critic. This way, you don't get into a battle yourself; you instead "consult" with a friend (that inner critic that lives in your head).
See the difference?
About the Author: Shari Strong works with passionate, successful woman -- and very smart men -- who have been in the same job for 4-7 years and are ready to move on and/or or move up. She gives professionals the courage -- and tools -- they need to make the decisions their hearts and souls are begging them to make in order to enjoy a happier, more rich life. If this sounds like you, sign up for a free "strategy" session with Shari and get on the road to learning how to be more confident in your decision-making processes so you can embrace the life you really want.
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